TITLE: "Tonight is just for us" 
AUTHOR: Kirsten Kerkhof * kirsten_xf@yahoo.com 
RATING: PG 
CLASSIFICATION: Mulder/Scully Romance 
CATEGORY: S R 
DISCLAIMER: Alas, I don't own them (you know I don't -- I'd 
never torture them like CC does) 
The song is by Marian Bradfield.
SPOILERS: Guess not.
FEEDBACK: Puh-leeeeezzzz? A chocolate Mulder when you 
write ... 
SUMMARY: Scully's got a hot date. Mulder's miserable because 
of that. Luckily for him Scully grows wise to the fact that there 
really isn't place for more than one man in her life. 
NOTE: Based on a song I heard.

XxXxX 
"Tonight is just for us"
XxXxX 
 
   Fox Mulder was sitting at his desk in his office and stared 
at the documents in front of him. He knew he was supposed to be 
working, Skinner wanted these expense forms on his desk first 
thing in the morning, but he couldn't get himself to working on it. 
Not when all he wanted to focus his mind on was the woman 
sitting right in front of him at her own desk, the light of the 
computer monitor shining in the glass of her spectacles. 
   He looked at her, noticing a remarkable sense of rest 
washing over him by seeing her there, her quiet presence an 
strong anchor in the turbulent world he lived in. Dana Scully, his 
partner, his best friend. 
   She was everything to him, she meant everything to him, 
and he'd sometimes even told her so. He'd tell her everything, just 
as he knew she'd never hold back her opinions about him. Except 
when it came to one particularly awkward subject: love. He loved 
her. Plain and simple. Frustratingly enough he knew she loved 
him just as madly. So why on earth didn't they tell each other 
that? His whole being craved it, he often woke up at night feeling 
so cold that he knew he had to feel her, there and then, or he'd 
simply have the loneliness freeze him to death. He wondered if she 
felt the same. Probably. Still he wasn't going to tell her. And 
neither was she. 
   They couldn't get involved romantically, he knew. They 
couldn't be lovers. There was so much at stake, so many people 
would use it against them. They'd take her away from him, he 
knew that part for certain. And he'd die. Probably not physically, 
but mentally he'd die the moment she'd let him know about the 
transfer. 
   But he wanted to try. He wanted to know for sure whether 
a relationship could work. Desperately. 
   The thought tore his heart to pieces. 
   He sighed and returned to his work, forcing himself to 
direct his attention to the paperwork in front of him. He took a 
pen and began. Up and over to glory. He scoffed at the thought. 
   But apparently he really had managed to do some work, 
because the first thing he noticed after that was Scully standing 
before him. 
   God, didn't she know this suit drove him absolutely 
insane? Yes, she probably did, he thought. But even though he felt 
it, he didn't show these feelings. Instead he merely nodded. 
   "You're leaving early today, Scully?" 
   She nodded in response. "I've completed my work for 
today, Mulder. And besides I've got something planned for 
tonight", she added with a smile. 
   Mulder was stunned. "You've got a date?" Please, don't let 
it be so, he thought. 
   She smiled. "Yeah, wish me luck!" 
   His heart fell and it took him quite some effort to make his 
comment sound better than he felt: 
   "Well, have a pleasant time then. Guess I'll see you 
tomorrow." 
   She murmured something he couldn't understand as she 
turned on her heels and left the office. 
   Mulder sighed, keeping his head in his hands. He felt 
miserable. 
   'Of course she has a date', he told himself. 'Why not? She's 
an attractive woman, she smart and witty. And she's entitled to 
some life outside your office. It's a miracle she's still here with 
you, after you've managed to systematically plunder her entire 
social life. For God's sake, let the woman have some fun! And 
stop feeling so bad about it, Fox Mulder!' 
   He couldn't help it. He couldn't help the feeling that *he* 
ought to be the one she'd be spending the night out with. 
   'Hah, as if she'd want to be with you right now, Fox 
Mulder. Not after all you've done to her. Yes, she loves you, but as 
a partner. She cannot possibly want more, because she of all 
people knows you'd never be able to give that to her! And you 
don't want her to be alone either, do you? So, give her a chance to 
meet the man she deserves, the man who'll give her the love and 
attention such a wonderful woman deserves. She'll continue to be 
your partner, hopefully for many years to come, and cherish that 
fact! But don't go asking her to be with you outside the office. 
You've got not jurisdiction over her heart, she's not your 
girlfriend, even less your wife, and she's got every right in the 
world to have a date!  And then', the 
little annoying voice in his head continued, 'even if she really 
loved you the way you love her, do you think she'd tell you? No. 
She'd never tell you, because she'd know you'd break her heart 
every time you'd choose your quest for Samantha over your love 
for her!' 
   He felt sick at these last words. Where the hell had they 
come from? He'd never choose Samantha over Scully. Never! Yes, 
maybe five years ago, when they had just been teamed up, he 
might have, but not anymore. 
   So why was he not telling her? What was he waiting for? 
Why didn't he tell her how much she meant to him? Maybe 
because he was afraid of chasing her away with his words. Maybe 
because he was just as afraid of losing her with his confession as she was 
of losing him. Maybe because he was a natural-born coward. 
   Well, they probably were both way too afraid of ruining 
everything they had by expressing their desire for more.	 
   It was just that he couldn't live with this burden on his 
mind anymore. He was going to have to tell her his feelings, 
choose the risk of losing her over the uncertainty of never 
knowing what she felt. It was for his own sanity.  
   But what would she do if she didn't return these feelings? 
What if she wanted them to be just friends, partners? What if she 
already had a lover, but had never told him about this man? 
   A chill brushed along his nerve-endings at the idea of 
Scully already being involved with another man and immediately 
his mind zapped from one possible candidate to another, though 
he couldn't find a single one he thought worthy of her. Including 
him. 
   He knew he had to find out. 
   Meanwhile he just hoped Scully's date would be a disaster. 
   And then he hated himself for even thinking such a thing ... 
 
   Mulder had worked for another hour after which he had 
decided to just go home, his mind too preoccupied with thoughts 
about Scully and her date. 
   He wondered what they were doing now. And most of all, 
would Scully take him to her apartment. Sleep with him? It didn't 
look very in-character for her, but then again, he didn't really 
know much about her on this field anyway. 
   He hated the guy. Hated him for being allowed to know 
Scully in a way he, her partner, didn't know her even after so 
many years. Would she be drunk? He doubted it, she didn't seem 
the type for it. Well, how would he know ... What were they doing 
now, he wondered. 
   He left the FBI building and got into his car. He drove 
home in silence, leaving the radio off, not needing the cheerful 
sounds right now. If he wanted to be depressed, he could do that 
without some enthusiastic presenter trying to lift his spirits, thank 
you very much. 
   This was going to be just another lonely night, he 
predicted, and then he scoffed. It was going to be the loneliest 
night of his life! And he had never felt the need for Scully's 
presence stronger than now. 
 
   He parked his car in front of his apartment building and 
went inside, noting with a frown that the '2' of '42' had fallen off 
again. It all made so much sense, he thought. Not only was his 
life falling apart, indeed the whole world around him was falling 
to pieces at the same time. The cynicism struck him as totally 
justified. 
   He opened the door and with one hand he switched on the 
lights whilst using the other hand to put down his briefcase and 
throw his coat in a chair. Then he picked up the remote control 
for his television. 
   And saw the note. 
 
#Number 4, disc 1# 
 
   That was all it said. He recognised the hand-writing as 
Scully's, but wondered what it meant or when she'd been here. 
She wasn't here now, she was out with this ... guy, having a date. 
   He walked over to his CD-player and curiously pushed the 
'play'-button, fast-forwarding the CD to number four. 
   And frowned as he heard the first notes of a traditional 
folk-song, sounding softly in the room. 
          Let me take you to the waterfront 
          The mist will wash away those tears 
          And if you say it's OK, I'll hold your hand 'till this 
             clears 
          Do I take it they've hurt you again 
          This time more painful than before? 
          I wish I had the nerve to tell them, you don't want 
             no more 
   The music struck an unexpected note within him, and he 
wondered what Scully had meant with it. But then the music went 
on ... 
          'Cause boy I love you 
          More than you'll ever know if the truth be said 
          These feelings that I'm holding back 
          Make me more than just a friend 
          But I can never tell the truth 
          'Cause I don't want to lose your trust 
          I know that if you went away 
          My heart would turn to dust 
   By the end of the chorus Mulder found himself holding his 
breath, his whole mind focused on the words sung in a low voice 
by this unknown woman. These words, did they reflect what 
Scully felt? That she really loved him, but never dared to tell him 
for fear she'd lose him and his trust? 
		 
          The walls between us were not made to keep 
          The sound of crying to themselves 
          And it's another night of wasted dreams you'll 
             defend 
          I came so close to telling you today 
          Boy you just take those dreams and run 
          But my selfish heart wouldn't say those words, 
             was that so wrong? 
   "I've wanted to tell you, Mulder. I've be wanting to tell you 
every day for months ...", he heard Scully's soft voice behind him. 
He jerked his head around and saw her standing behind him, 
wearing a beautiful dark blue dress. But most of all he saw her 
face, her expression gentle and soft, her eyes fiery with love. A 
very arousing contrast. 
   "We made those walls, putting them up between us 
because we knew we had to, but they weren't meant to last 
forever", Scully said, slowly moving into the light. "And when I 
saw your expression as I told you I had a date, I knew I had made a 
mistake by wanting to go out with him." 
          'Cause boy I love you 
          More than you'll ever know if the truth be said 
   Mulder found himself drawn towards Scully like a moth to 
a candle, delightfully blinded by his love for her and her love for 
him. 
          These feelings that I'm holding back 
          Make me more than just a friend 
          Tonight maybe I'll tell the truth 
          Please don't let me lose your trust 
          Tonight I'll not send you away 
          Tonight is just for us. 
   "Tonight is just for us", Scully whispered as she at last felt 
Mulder's arms around her. "I've sent you away so many times, 
Mulder, too many times. But I was so afraid ...", she sighed. "I 
was so afraid of the truth." 
   "I've always known that you were more than a friend to 
me, Scully. A friend wouldn't have protected me the way you 
have. I've always loved you, I've always known you loved me." 
   "My selfish heart wouldn't say those words ...", she said 
sadly, quoting the song and at the same time making him bend 
over slightly until she felt his breath on her lips. 
   "Your pure heart never needed to ...", he answered, kissing 
her very softly. A wonderful warm shiver trickled down his spine, 
touching his every vertebra with a tiny spark than ran along each 
and every nerve until he felt completely warm. 
   It was much too soon when they broke from the kiss, very 
softly, very slowly, their foreheads still almost touching. Scully 
sighed a very contented sigh. 
   "But your date, Scully? What about him?" Mulder 
whispered, not really keen on breaking the spell, but still wanting 
to know. 
   "I told you, Mulder, I found out I'd be a fool if I'd go out 
with any other man than you. I'd never be able to love or even like 
him, because you've got all my love, there's just nothing left for 
anybody else ...", she whispered, smiling gently, looking in his 
eyes. 
   "Tonight was meant just for us." 
 
THE END